Thursday, September 9, 2010

“Lifey as a Wifey” Wednesdays!

Last night we had a 4 month newly-wed check up with our pastor, Matt Tague. It’s astonishing how quickly time flies and that we have been married for almost 5 months! Secretly, I’m already researching where to go for our One year anniversary! Heehee. Tim and I agreed that it’s been a wild ride these past four months, specifically the first two winding down from a busy wedding and honeymoon. I’m happy to say our reflections of our marriage have come full circle and we are happier and more in love than the day we tied the knot. Enough about the gushy stuff and on to a more serious note. Although we did a more intense version of pre-marital counseling at another church, a few of the most touching elements have been with our current pastor, Matt. He asks the deeper questions regarding our relationship and commitment to each other, as well as with God. I wanted to share an exercise we did last night regarding our Life Maps. Every one of us has a Life Map, some more detailed than others, but it illustrates where we have been and where we want to go, which in turn is a fundamental component of WHO we are TODAY. Matt challenged us to desire to know and understand each other’s Life Map so we can encourage and better identify with why we act a certain way. Having been together for almost five years, you could assume we know just about everything about our counterparts, but that’s not always the case, and as life evolves, things change. He broke it down into five elements: FEARS, HOPES, ACHIEVEMENTS, FAMILY ORIENTATION (how you were raised and/or want to raise your kids the same/differently) , and DESIRES. He separated us into two rooms and we had 5-10 minutes to fill in our spouse’s life map in regards to these five items. Then we came together and shared what we wrote. To my amazement we were both accurate with our reflections! (Ever since failing the “How well do you know Tim” game at my bridal shower, I always shutter at these games!) More importantly, it put these items in writing for us to keep, and we added to each of ours as we spoke about them. As a supporting wife, it’s important for me to acknowledge my husband’s fears, as well as his hopes and desires as we grow our life together. Surprisingly, one of Tim’s reflections was my desire to be a mother someday. Obviously we talk about it, but it was interesting to hear how he has picked up on my nesting and nurturing habits now that we have a home together.

With all relationships, having a clear understanding of where your partner came from, and where they want to go, helps with the “WHY” we do things the way we do! It was a great exercise for us, and will definitely be the topic of date nights to come. I have a desire to know more about my husband and what makes him tick. Matt warned us that far too often couples and families get dragged down by a daily routine and we lose sight of the big picture that indeed shapes us more than we think! I would encourage any and all couples to do this, as like I said, even after 5 years, you learn something!

1 comment:

  1. We did this during out pre-marital counseling, and helped us really understand, like you said "Why we are the way we are" and helped with our communication a ton! I'm currently ready a book our therapist recommended, called, "The Five Love Languages" by Gary D. Chapman, seriously soooo good! I've been meaning to do a post about it and share it with everyone...I just might have to do it now! I heart being married! ;)